I’m the adult?

October 22, 2019

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Hey All!

So today my sister messaged me asking me if I could write her a ten page essay on “How you are crushing this adulthood shit because I am dying…” That is verbatim what popped into my inbox this morning. This sentence kind of sent my mind into a million little directions. The first was how could I help my sister, what light could I shed on the world that would help her succeed or manage her time better etc. Which then lead my mind into thinking oh my goodness I should write a book! A book on living life like you’re the boss of it! Sure Kaitlyn let’s get right on that as you are juggling your full time job, photography business, running a household and managing to spend whatever time left to be social and loving with Matt. I’m sure I can squish a book in there. I truly wanted to write her a ten page paper right then and there so she could be crushing her own life like the boss I know she is.

But here is what was the kicker. Her perception I was crushing my life. I didn’t think I was doing anything differently than those around me. I was just getting really good at juggling. I honestly have like 3 different planners to keep track of my life and thoughts. My phone calendar, a paper calendar at home and a planner that I drag around with me. I literally have whatever I can mapped out so I can plan accordingly, then I try to sprinkle some semblance of habit in there so I am running through chores mindlessly and getting them done. To me I feel like there are days the only thing I am crushing is the ice to go into shaker for an amazing drink.

To me everyday is a new adventure for me to tackle and make my imprint on the world. I interact with so many people day in and day out that one interaction could be the difference between someone having a bad day to a great day. It’s weird to me that I am now considered an adult. I’m always the one in a situation who looks around and says okay I need an adult, but it hit me.. I’m the adult. I’m the one others go to for guidance, or a pep talk or even squishy hugs. I wanted to buy ice cream the other day and have it for lunch and it dawned on me YOU’RE THE ADULT! You literally can have ice cream for breakfast if you want, no one is going to tell you not to. It was truly a terrifying thought..

But back to this crushing the world like a lady boss thing. Today I had a bad day and in that moment that I had the storm cloud named Pessimist Patty over my head I reached out to those around me for a pep talk, for guidance on how to react. I had applied for a project that would help in developing my full time career, but received an email today that I did not get an interview and there were many applicants. At first it hurt my ego a little to think I was not even good enough for an interview, but then I stewed in it for a few hours. Now I took Psych 101 like a lot of us in college. Now think back remember the ID, the Ego and the Super Ego? Yea that was running through my mind at the time. I know my ego wanted fed, to be told that I was good enough, maybe even better than the position. But I realize after a bit I didn’t care if I was good or the best. I didn’t want to feed my ego, that wasn’t going to allow me to grow. Ego’s aren’t plants they are weeds. Weeds that take over the soul and leave a nasty little green tarnish on them. I just wanted to grow and see how I could be a better candidate the next time it came around. Now don’t get me wrong I allowed myself to be sad for a little bit, my hopes were up, it was only natural I was slightly sad. Then I dissecting all of the other reasons I didn’t get the job, my current title couldn’t afford to have us leave our post, they wanted to give those not in a leadership position a chance etc.. I realized it was okay to be sad and disappointed but my friends and peers helped me realize I needed to be grateful for where I was in the business. To take what I had and run with it. My current position opens doors already and I needed to use that.

So I guess I may seem like I am crushing the world, but I am just like everyone else. Jumping through little hoops in hopes to show the world I am the boss..

I think I might write a book, whether I do the self help book or the nonfiction I’ve been itching to write I don’t quite know. I could do both, but really who has that time?

Until next time



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