3 months

June 29, 2018

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It’s been three months since I’ve really written anything. Let alone kept you guys up to date, for that I apologize. I guess the only way to really start filling you in is at the beginning. So I kept hinting to everyone that there was indeed a man in my life. Well it’s none other than Mr. Bear or Trouble as I so appropriately nicknamed him in my phone. I met him when I started at my new job location back in October. I was new to the store and was slowly figuring out friendships and who the new people were that I was going to work with. Trouble was sitting in our inventory room, quiet and had this smolder any time he looked at someone. He was relatively disinterested in his job, and not exactly a talker. So of course being the woman that I am I assumed the challenge of getting to know who he is. In the first week of working at the store we started messaging through snap and just talking. I was seeing Mr. Rodgers, using that term loosely, and wasn’t sure what to make of it. He would give me advice that he was probably seeing other people. Trouble made sure to tell me that he wasn’t saying that just to get into my pants, but merely to befriend me and ensure I knew what I was doing. I used his advice and called Rodgers out on it, of course Trouble being right. I learned early on that he is very tuned into his surroundings and is rarely wrong, as my mom would call it empathic.

We started talking about how it had been some time since either of us had cuddled with someone and just missed the connection you have with someone in a relationship. I missed being able to have someone to call and share my day with, as well as someone I could curl up next at night and watch movies. Well guys needless to say within two weeks he was coming over and hanging out with me. He lived a relatively busy life outside of work, but still managed to find time on the weekends and come watch movies with me. We would talk almost daily and see each other while we worked (NOT LIKE THAT!!) I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the whole friendship thing, but I rolled with it. I liked where it was going. Don’t get me wrong I was terrified, I was unsure what I was doing. And I felt almost wrong for going on dates, but getting excited to see him on the weekends. Of occasion cuddling turned into more (Of course it would I was single, not dead!)

The Fall leaves stopped falling and the ground began to harden, and yet Trouble was still around. I found myself going on new dates, but when I’d go to the bathroom I’d check in with him. He knew about my dates and was just there, waiting for me. At the time he told me he didn’t have time for a relationship, and I wasn’t going to force his hand. So I kept doing what I was doing until something changed. I realized around Christmas Trouble wasn’t a huge fan, which was almost a deal breaker for me, since I rather love the Holidays (mild understatement) I wanted to get him something small, I knew we weren’t “dating” but I wanted to cheer him up and give him a Holiday to remember. So I bought him a POP Grinch and his dog doll and gifted it to him. Sort of like a little joke, because he was such a Grinch around the store.

When the New Year rolled around we brought it in together at my parents house, ok that sounds bad. We rang in the New Year at my parents house, better! We still weren’t “dating” but merely seeing each other. I stopped seeing other guys and left my weekends and available nights to him. He was sweet, always made time for me, even if he didn’t have much he’d still give me what available time he did have. In March I found out he was applying for various jobs in the company. I wasn’t sure if I was going to follow him, only because I wasn’t even sure what we were. I asked him why we didn’t really have a title, and it was followed with he wasn’t sure if he was leaving and didn’t know if I wanted a title if he left.

In the beginning in April we talked about it again. He said if you would like a title it’s yours. Trouble had applied for a job in NC and wasn’t sure if he was going to get it. I felt like he was going to, you know that feeling you get in your bones? I had one of those. I still wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I kept saying if he got the job I won’t go, it’s a sign from my grandma that we won’t work. But as the time went by and the interviews were more frequent I felt even more he was going to get the job. The second week in April my family and I left for Disney. The happiest place on earth! I was beyond excited to be there and surrounded by my family. I kept telling them and myself he was getting the job and that was it, the end. My mom said it would be how your life goes, you’ve been through so much in a year.

When we got back from Disney my friends and Trouble and I went to a local Mexican restaurant for my birthday and then went bowling. They had not really met him yet and I figured there’s no better way for them to get to meet him. My girlfriend from Texas was even in town and I was so excited to have everyone together.

The following week Trouble and I were working together and he got a call. He mouthed to me check your phone. As I look at my incoming text from him all I read is ” I got the job!” My stomach dropped to the floor and tears immediately welled in my eyes. He was leaving. I was so beyond excited for him, but at the same time I couldn’t handle life without him. I loved him, I of course had not said that yet, but I felt it. I couldn’t let this guy go.. Not at least without going with him. I ran outside and just started crying and chain smoking (not something I do, unless I’m beyond upset, again a rarity) No one knew but my one close girlfriend at work we were seeing each other. I couldn’t talk to anybody. I was devastated. The one manager offered to let me go home early, but I wanted to still be around him if I could. I reached out to friends and family on lunch for support and advice. My one close friend told me I was beyond stupid if I didn’t go, so I took his advice. I had realized even though I kept telling myself it was a sign if he got the job I wasn’t going, I was only kidding myself.

Throughout that week we discussed him getting an apartment by himself so whenever I decided to make my way to him and could afford to I could move right in. I think those words were enough for me to put a plan into action. I started doing excel sheets to see what I could afford and then I told my mom. She started crying but also knew I was more than likely going. I only had a few close friends and family and my friends I rarely saw. I couldn’t let that stop me from going. I knew if I didn’t go I’d regret it.

Fast forward to June 29th. Trouble’s been in NC since May 8th. It’s been a really hard month with ups and downs and trying to get FaceTimes in before our crazy work schedules. I’ve recently applied to a customer service job in NC and have made it past the assessment part of the job, in which I’m hopeful I will get the position. The recruiter emailed me back talking to me about the training schedule and if I was to move I’d need to be there by July 31st. Today I am flying to NC for a few days to spend with him and explore my future home as well as then flying to OC to spend a few days with my family.

Needless to say it’s been a whirlwind of emotions these last few months.

But don’t worry Reader’s I’ll keep you updated!



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