Another year wiser? Smarter? Clueless? How about older?

April 12, 2019

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Well Shit.. That came quickly. One of the most exciting days of every year, one I revel in, one I soak up all the love and attention, because for one day of the year it’s about me.. well I’d like it to be anyway. Today is my birthday. I turn 26.. I’m trying to let that soak in, trying to understand what that should mean and if I should be at some specific milestone of my life.. should I be beyond successful? Married? A leader in my career? Growing up I had a time line, yes I was that child who had a time line as to when I was going to go to college, get married, have a home and have kids. Didn’t everyone? Can you honestly tell me as a young adult you didn’t have expectations for future you? I’ll share with you what I thought my life should look like by now. Graduated college by 21, which I thankfully did! I wanted to be engaged by 23, married by 24 and somewhere in between that year also have purchased a home. A home that existed somewhere close to my family and yet far away enough I was not in their backyard, granted I also would not have minded being their neighbor. As far as the idea of having tiny tots? I wanted kids at 28, two of them and somewhere be successful in my career to which I had an office and everyone knew my name.. Here’s the funny thing about timelines they sure as shit are not set in stone. I thankfully did graduate at 21 and that summer I started my unknown future career with Verizon. I was engaged by 23 and suppose to be married by 24. I thank my demons and my angels everyday he called it off, more on that later. And by 28 kids… having those I’m still undecided, I’ll finish that thought with the others in a second

Yes, I said it. I am THANKFUL I did not get married in my kinda early 20s. Why? I WAS MISERABLE. Looking back on my life I was pretty good at finding the happy in the little things, because the happy in the big things, such as my relationship and my career were non-existent. I would wake up everyday with a smile on my face I was breathing and make my at the time fiancé’s breakfast, his lunch would be packed and I would wait to make his coffee. I might as well had been his mother. I felt under appreciated, and sure I probably did too much for him but my love language is action and doing things I assume would be appreciated. Due onto others as you would want done onto you. I would go to work and just dread my days. My managers knew it, my colleagues knew it, but not my customers. I loved my customers I encountered daily. I loved being a part of their lives for 20 minutes to a couple hours in the day. I loved showing them technology and how we could keep them connected to family and friends. But I did not have the drive my colleagues did, I did not have the desire to do anything but what was asked of me. I loved throwing little contests and having fun things for my co workers but I did not have the drive to do more than what was asked of my job. I would go home at night, sometimes late and then cook dinner, crawl into bed alone and cry myself to sleep. He would eventually join me and some times our exchanging of words were minimal. Some days I would need to rush home because my anxiety of not being home was so bad I couldn’t breathe. That was the life I was living. I loved the house I was in and always had little projects, but I never had the chance to get around to them. I was close to my family’s home and would visit them weekly, but I did not have a lot of time. Again I was miserable. I was going through the motions in my own life, not sure if it would get better. I was going to get married to a man regardless how I was daily I loved and that was enough for me. But let’s fast forward..

I AM 26 ever loving years old and my life has had so much change in it in the last year somedays I don’t even remember how I got here.. and I love every single fucking minute of it. I moved to North Carolina, a beach town, at 25. I started a new career, that I love so much and strive everyday to do better than the day before, and I even got a promotion. I moved in with a man who I love and makes me smile and feel sexy and appreciated. Then something big happened April 1, 2019.. We bought a house. Here’s the funny thing about Trouble he doesn’t use words to convey how he feels, nope he’s an action man. So exchanging of I love you’s is slim.. Does that bother me? Sure it use to because growing up and in every past relationship I love you was issued at the end of every call, every time before bed and whenever we wanted to say it.. but I learned later in my life that my ex’s said it back because it was what was expected. What they learned from movies, music and past relationships, not because it was something they had the desire to say and get off their chest. Sure it might have been like that in the beginning, but towards the end they even admitted they said it on reflex nothing more… Trouble says it when he feels it, but he shows it in every little thing he does for me daily.. So he did something big. One day… he heard me. He heard I was not happy in the apartment and I wanted to go house shopping. So what did he do? Found us a Realtor and had us pre-approved in less than 24 hours, on a weekend no less. We found a house that had all the we wanted, but he was working the only time we could see it.. So what did he do? Sent me with the Realtor to see it. I loved the bones and the neighborhood so we made an offer that night.. Trouble sight unseen of the home. The offer was accepted the next morning and we toured the house together three days later. Thankfully he loved it as much as I did. I sat down with him the other night, exhausted. All the boxes had been unpacked, the yard mowed and weed hacked, I felt like Tarzan, and the old apartment emptied. I was bone tired and I looked at trouble and told him I loved him and when he said it back I said are you sure, like the semi-needy (and proud) woman I am. He said absolutely we just bought a house together.. That’s not exactly something small. And he was right. There in front of me was a man who signed a 30 year mortgage with me for a house. The biggest commitment from anyone I’ve ever gotten. I could not help but smile and feel warm tears in my happy little eyes.

The cool thing about my old timeline was it taught me nothing is ever set in stone. Everything is subject to change, and that is 100% okay. So today I turned 26 and I am ready to see what amazing adventures I can get myself into. Speaking of. Trouble and I are on a plane heading to Las Vegas for 3 days to enjoy each other and some quiet time from our hectic lives. It’s going to be a blast. I have no idea what I am going to do there. Normally each vacation I have some itinerary. This time? I am flying on a whim of adventure to see what we can get into. I expect no sleep and to survive on shakes, burgers, vodka and energy drinks for the next 3 days and nights. I will use the plane ride home to recoup my energy and thankfully took the following day off to the household chores.

So 26. I’m suppose to be another year wiser.. Right? Isn’t that how it goes? We’re wiser every year because we learn new things every year, so I would like to think I am wiser. But shit I’m just looking forward to my everyday life with my sexy trouble and see what my badass career has next in store…

I might even post photos for you Readers



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