Spare, Strike, Turkey

February 8, 2018

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Back in October I matched with a guy on Tinder. I broke one of my own rules and months later I was paying for it. I always said if I second guessed the guy I was looking at in the photo or felt unsure of him then I needed to swipe left. Any hesitation I had I generally took it as my gut reaction and listened to it. I realized the more I listened to my gut the more I kept myself from making mistakes. This guy seemed super cute, but there was something about his eyes that made me uneasy, but I swiped right anyway. Fast forward a week or so we were texting daily and having weekly phone calls before bed. He was sweet and kind, but I was still pretty apprehensive. One night he asked me on a date and I agreed, only because I had kept putting it off and it was well over due. He was one of the easiest people to talk to and share my day with.

Flash to date night. I had found out his brother was dating a girl I knew from an old job, which showed me how tiny the world was since her and I use to be good friends back in the day. I agreed to head out his way since there isn’t much to do out in my neck of the woods. The first adventure of the night I stopped at his place and we rode to dinner together. This in itself was new to me since I have a tiny bit of control issues and generally prefer to drive myself. We went to a hibachi restaurant and this is where it got interesting. I was uncomfortable, sitting across from a man I could easily talk to on the phone, but in person I got nothing. I couldn’t think of what to talk about let alone look across the table and look at him while I was talking. I am completely unsure as to why but it was definitely a struggle for me. Thankfully he kept the conversation going so I did not have to try and find the words. The next stop on our adventure was a local ice cream shoppe I had not had before. It has always been raved about in our area, but being that I am lactose intolerant I try to avoid going out to new ice cream places. Most of the ones I do visit their ice dream isn’t pure dairy or not as pasteurized so I can get away with it and not have any break outs. But, because he was driving and had not told me where we were headed next I was completely in the dark. I was excited when we pulled into the place but also nervous as to how it would effect me the next day.

After ice-cream I found out we were going bowling at the local alley.. Little did I know we would be bowling with his brother and his girlfriend. I felt like he was trying to cram a million little things into our date. From our talks I knew the guy liked being in relationships and had recently gotten out of a long-term one and jumped right into another one that had not lasted long. This guy didn’t know how to be single and alone, which I think was the contributing factor to his character flaws. I didn’t mind the little outings, but meeting his brother and getting to see an old friend again in the same day was kind of a turmoil of emotions. Not something I’d recommend on the first date.

At the bowling alley I learned I am terrible at bowling, but the group would cheer me on and he would try and give me pointers. Even trying to make little bets to see if I could beat him. For the sake of this article let’s call my date Chip, he ate a lot of Chipotle a nickname I had given him a few weeks into talking. Chip would come up behind me after a frame and always give me a kiss. He wasn’t a bad kisser, but it wasn’t one that elicited feelings, I mean don’t get me wrong I’m a single lady. I felt something, but only in my lady regions, not anything that made my heart dance or palms tingle. I gradually got better and even bowled a few games, okay maybe one game, better than he did. Then I went back to sucking. Thankfully I was off the next day, because we ended up bowling into the wee hours of the morning. We ended the date with promises of talking in the morning.

And we did, we talked on the phone and texted daily. But when it came time for him to ask me on a second date I kept dragging my feet with excuses of work schedule and my days off being used to see friends and family. I don’t know why but I had little desire to spend the time I did have available with him. The one thing that greatly shied me away from him was a phone call we had one night. We were talking about work and he had told me someone he worked with he had been intimate with. He then went on to ask how many people I’d been with and if I had been with anyone in the time we’d been talking. Now I didn’t mind him being open, but to me it wasn’t any of his concern who I had been or not been sleeping with in the time we spoke. We had only been on one date, which to me was an entry into getting to know me, that was all, nothing more nothing less. So I kindly told him that was none of his concern and changed the topic. I won’t lie that left a sour taste in my mouth for a few minutes in our changed topic, enough that I told him I was off to bed, because I could not handle talking to him one more minute.

The following week I agreed to go out on a second date with him in hopes my initial thoughts were wrong. It wasn’t that the first date was terrible, in fact I actually had a lot of fun. I felt like I belonged with the group and it was just so laid back and comfortable, for the most part. But I couldn’t tell if it was because his brother and the girlfriend were there or if it was because of Chip. On date two I agreed to head out his way. He wanted to see a movie and go bowling and go out to dinner. I told him again he was cramming in too many things and needed to maybe choose one. Since it was around the Holidays, I suggested we rent a movie and go back to his place to watch it before bowling. It was really easy to be around him, but again I struggled to find things to talk about with him in person. We went bowling again with the gang, and this time I got better. We made more bets and more kisses followed after every frame. I did talk briefly to my old friend about Chip and she told me they are very excitable men and if he needed to backup a bit I should tell him, he communicates well. Which to me was great advice to learn for him, but I still didn’t feel I was what he was looking for. We weren’t really into the same things, and at times I felt manlier than he did. Like he told me I’d win in a fist fight, bro you’re a man I know that in this day and age we need to be equal about everything but come on. You’re much bigger than me.. you shouldn’t say stuff like that.. It killed my masculine vibes for him a little. After the date I told him I didn’t know when he would see me again since Christmas was right around the corner. He didn’t seem to like this answer as much, but accepted it.

Fast forward one last time to a week before Christmas I invited him over for movie at home and to just spend an hour or so together. We fell asleep watching a movie and just enjoyed each others company. It was strange I was comfortable enough to sleep with him around, but I had been talking to him for a bit so it made sense. There were two things with that night that made me utterly befuddled. The first one being he had bought me Christmas gifts. I had no idea it was something he was doing or had done. I didn’t know protocol for this. I mean we weren’t “dating” just been out a few times. Did you accept them? Did you say that was sweet but no? This was a new territory to me and it was flashing angry yellow alarms in my face. Thankfully it wasn’t anything too expensive, just little things we had talked about during our phone calls. At this point it was one am and I needed to get ready to go to bed for work the next morning. So I got up off the chair and started walking to the door in hopes he got the hint. He got up, but only to move over to my couch and sit down. So I crawled into his lap for a few and we made out. Then I got off of him again when he made an audible groan.. I looked at him with anger and confusion in my eyes, how do I know what I looked like? Well I could feel it through my entire body. I asked “Did you just groan because I won’t have sex with you??” He said “maybe”… Maybe.. He fucking said maybe…. Dear sir, we have gone on two dates, you came to my house for a movie, just because you bought me a mother fucking candle does not mean you can crawl into my panties. To make matters worse when he got up he looked at his fly, which was down, and then at me asking if I had done that with a boyish grin on his face. I said “No Chip I did not pull your fly down and I am not sleeping with you, if you’re going to act that way there’s the door.” He apologized, but it could not erase the fact his actions were louder than his words, not once but at least twice now. Finally I got him out the door and made my way to bed.

He texted me when he got home and I went to sleep. We continued to talk, but I started distancing myself. I didn’t reply right away or would reply a few hours later… that’s where it got intense. He would say if you’re too busy I’ll leave you be. Or are you there.. Just stuff that made me realize he was getting really clingy and attached. Asking if he did anything wrong when I didn’t respond at that moment. Christmas was upon us and I was a little nervous to fully let him go during these times, more so because I didn’t want to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. After the New Year I sent Chip a message saying he was a really great guy, but I didn’t feel anything and it wasn’t fair to lead him on. He continued asking if I was sure, because he knew he felt something and that I needed to stop shutting people out and getting scared. I informed him I wasn’t afraid of my feelings and I wasn’t going to shut people out, but I wasn’t going to lead him on either. He accepted it and told me to call him if I ever changed my mind. I still heard from him once in awhile asking if I was sure because he knew there was something there between us and I would just ignore him. I didn’t want to fuel his fire anymore than it already was.

Readers that had to have been the hardest part of dating I’ve ever experienced. I don’t like hurting people, or letting them down. And in this case I did both to a really nice guy. I learned after all of this that I needed to follow my first initial gut reaction. I did learn a few things about myself and dating in that adventure, but I also know now to swipe left if I slightly hesitate.

Don’t worry readers I have a few more adventures to tell you about

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